Author & Divorce Coach Debbie Burgin discusses her book “The Joy of Ex” which is based on dealing with the trials & tribulations of divorce. She shares her expertise with talk show host Susan McCord on how to find yourself and start over with wonderful new beginnings on a different life path. Divorce can be a good thing!
Love is not an easy part of life and most people have had their share of drama in this department. The movie, “It’s complicated”, starring Meryl Streep, Alec Baldwin, & Steve Martin depicts this in a humorous fashion that audiences of all ages can relate to. The basis of this movie is an ex-husband (who has remarried to a much younger woman) falls back in love with his ex-wife and they secretly have an affair. The writers are brilliant and the dialogue is witty with hilarious one liners.
After a break-up, couples go through a huge emotional upheaval, but do the feelings of their initial love ever really go away? There are different types of love and “time frames” in which individuals move on from the hurt. Some people never get over it while others start over in their new lives without a glitch. Is the grass really greener on the other side? Do people walk away too easily today and jump into another relationship because it’s fresh & uncomplicated? Is it our ego or our hearts that are actually feeling the pain when someone walks away?
Isn’t there a secret desire for most people to want their ex to regret walking away from the relationship? How many people seek revenge by looking good? Jenny Craig and boot camps become their new best friends. Why isn’t this practiced within the partnership on a regular basis? Is it complacency, laziness or boredom that changes things? Relationship commitment should be run like a business. What company would quit trying to make money or let their concept die? It is a long term investment, not a penny stock.
Look at how many couples consummate their break-ups. As Meryl Streep said in the movie, “It’s Ex with benefits.” (It can be sweet revenge if they are still with the other person that they left the marriage for.) Do you really want to play the devil against karma though? If & when the opportunity arises for a rekindling of romance from the person who left you, it should not be ignored. This is the time to ask the questions & look back at your relationship with a new clarity you acquired from your time apart. The relationship may look completely different now. Dr. John Gray has numerous videos & books on how men & women need to understand each other and it is worth investing time in outside help. We all play a part in relationship breakups and to change the pattern and move on to a more fulfilling path, there has to be acknowledgment.
In the movie, Meryl admitted her faults and chose to move on with a new partner. Not an easy decision when her past love was still there and begging her forgiveness. Understanding and knowing when the relationship has run its course is the lesson to be learned. Having the strength to deal with it, embrace it and own your part in it, is a beautiful life lesson. It may hurt in the process but it will feel like graduation day all over again when you get finally grasp the reality.